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"With that said, I think it would be healthier for all of us if we did not M'n (masturbate) very much, if at all. I will try to teach you how to stop or get it under control." A quote from lesson 6 in the Dangerous Men workbook.

I have made a case that M'n is not wrong and I think this is true, but one of my goals is to help you to cut back on M'n . The reason I would like you to at least consider this, is because I believe that it is healthier for us sexually and emotionally. What do I mean by healthy? Our sexuality is far more than just our genital stimulation; it encompasses parts of who we are spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually. If we continue to just focus on the genital stimulation part we will have trouble eventually seeing the whole picture of how wonderful our sexuality really is.

Remember the quote from Thomas F. Jones in the lesson on sexuality? "Sexuality should be defined, therefore, as the human potential for the complete sharing of our whole selves, both body and spirit, with a person of the other sex." What we do when we M'n is to be our own stimulus giver and our own stimulus receiver. Walter Trobisch once said that sexuality is a language, it is communication. If that is true then M'n is only talking to oneself, therefore not much in the communication arena. M'n is a self centered act, but that does not make it automatically selfish. Much like the many other self centered acts we do each day. When we take a warm shower or turn on the air conditioning or eat a dessert. None of these acts are sin but they are all self centered to some degree. M'n is enjoying yourself sexually, but it is controllable and should not control us. Masturbation does temporarily remove our sexual urges, but it does nothing for the desire we have for intimacy with another person.

I stated that our goal should be to not M'n very much, if at all. I gave some ideas, like scheduling it, to help us get there but we must avoid the temptation to think that this is a new law. If we start thinking that we must now always follow our schedule and if we don't there is something sinful about it, we miss the point. We must not allow the schedule (or not M'n at all) to become the new legalism for dealing with this issue. M'n is not wrong (given the 3 conditions stated in the other article) and therefore don't sweat it if you do it. The scheduling idea is only a way for us to gain more control of our bodies and if you jump the gun, don't worry, it's okay. Make sure you don't make it so legalistic that you begin to feel guilty when you don't follow your schedule.

We all want self control and none of us want to make more rationalizations for not having control in this area, but let's not make it legalistic.

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. Colossians 2: 20-23 NLT

DON'T YOU WISH WE WOULD REMEMBER THIS MORE OFTEN? It is not the rules that give us self control; they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. It is the Spirit of the living God in us that gives us the control we want. It is the natural outcome of growing closer to Jesus. Self control, in its purest form, is a fruit of the Spirit. A fruit is just a natural growth from a healthy attachment to the vine.

Paul said it best in Galatians 5:16-26 NLT when he is talking about living by the Spirit. Here is what he says:

Living by the Spirits Power

¹⁶So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. ¹⁷The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict. ¹⁸But when you are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law.
¹⁹When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, ²⁰idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, ²¹envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
²²But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness, and self-control.Here there is no conflict with the law.
²⁴Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. ²⁵If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives. ²⁶Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another, or be jealous of one another.

Over and over again the Bible points out that we are not our own, but we have been bought and paid for by Jesus. When we choose to accept Him as our Lord and totally submit to him as our King, we then need to get to know him more and more and He will produce these good things in us, automatically. A short way of saying this same thing is to keep you eyes on Jesus.

I want to encourage all of us toward maturity, in all areas, especially sexually. As we fight a good fight and grow, however painful this is, we begin to really enjoy the Holy Spirit in us. Growth also means that we have to learn how to live with unfulfilled desires, sexually and other areas as well. This is eloquently stated by Mary Stuart talking about her own process of growth after finding Jesus as Lord. Quoted from her book called Sexual Freedom, "(I realized that) I wanted God's Spirit more than I wanted transient physical titillation, and, over and above that, I began to see that abstinence made sense in terms of optimal preparation for real sharing with a real person."

I know that each of us are unique and that this process takes time. Different intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual issues surface as to our sexuality and why we each use M'n. Each person has different struggles in different areas, but as we move on (always without lust) we should not underestimate the Spirits power in our lives.

Jesus, please have your Spirit in us teach us to live wonderfully sexual lives, being comfortable with our identity as your child.

Together in Christ,

Lowell